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| January 30 2002 Wednesday Brain Damage reported that his dummy run as a mule was a complete success. He didn't have any cocaine so he put the contents of a packet of sherbet dip in the condom instead. He said that after smothering it with vaseline it went down a treat and came out of the other end about an hour later. He said the only problem was that everything he'd eaten since tasted of vaseline, even the sherbet dip. I informed him that another problem was that he'd only had the condom inside him for an hour, and that if the same thing happened when he did it for real he would be crapping it our while he was still in the check-in queue at the airport. He said he thought the only reason that he crapped it out so quick was because of the vaseline and that he was going to have another dummy run again tonight without vaseline. I was reading the paper tonight and there was a picture of Nigella in it. My heart leapt, as they say in my mother's magazines. On the next page was a photo of the Atomic Kittens. It did absolutely nothing for me. Then, a few pages on, there was a photo of Madonna, and I quite fancied her too. In the past Madonna has done less for me than the Atomic Kittens are doing for me now, so it must be a sign that I am getting more mature. Managed to find a car foot pump in Loot at last, £15. Made another penis enlarger. Tried it out. I couldn't find the instructions of the original penis enlarger and couldn't remember whether, after having pumped it up, you had to leave it for five minutes or five hours, so to be on the safe side I left it on for five minutes. After removing it I didn't notice any increase in the size of my penis. Am going to try again tomorrow. |