1. Outlook IV Processor
600
2. 17'' Colour Monitor
3. 128 MB FAST SO
DRIVE
4. 17GB Hard Disc Drive
5. DVD ROM
Drive
6. 56K Modem
7. Trident 3200 Colour Photo
Printer
8. USB Flatbed Colour Scanner
9.
£2000 Free Software
10.Free Unlimited Internet Access
plus ten E-mail addresses.
11. WDX MDR Superfast Polene MM 150K
Bizzie COPM dual Integrated IXL Very Latest Thing, which you really can't do
without Sir, and which will be soon be superseded by the next Very Latest
Thing
12. Dialogue Box which keeps coming on screen telling you
that the programme has performed an illegal operation and will be shut
down.
13. Dialogue box which tells you there has been a
Registry Problem and you will be shut down.
14. Dialogue Box
which tells you that your computer is affected with the Jerusalem Virus and
worries you to death.
15. Lots more Dialogue Boxes which keep
popping up to tell you that you will be closed down, losing whatever
information you have typed in, nearly driving you up the wall in the process.
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You've never owned
a PC like the Optimum Outlook 600. Apart from all the features on the left you
can also look forward to seeing even more dialogue boxes which you don't
understand, saying things like 'Internet Explorer cannot open the site, the
specified protocol is unknown', ' Windows does not recognise you, close down
your computer, stop picking your nose and go and do something else', and 'Paint
Box Pro just doesn't like you, so bog off.'
Improve your
communication skills when you wife says 'Are you on that bloody computer
again?' and you have to think up another excuse. Discover the joys of the
Internet when you are searching for suppliers of screws and you land on a porn
website just as your fourteen- year- old daughter looks over your shoulder.
Receive reams of unsolicited E-mail with yards and yards of spam spam spam!
Wish you'd never bought the bloody computer in the first place, close it down
in utter frustration, put it in the garage along with the discarded exercise
bike and take up stamp collecting.
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