ROLF
HARRIS'S ANIMAL HOSPITAL
Hi there. I'm appealing to any kid out there who has a pet.
I'm not very appealing to any kid out there who hasn't got a pet, but then you
can't win 'em all, can you. Thing is, we at Animal Hospital have been so
successful at nursing your pets back to health that there are no pets left in
need of hospitilization! Really. And with a new series scheduled for the spring
it's left us in worse shape than an anaconda with piles. Because no sick pets
to cure, no Animal Hospital show. And I'm sure you don't want that. I know I
don't, because that would mean I'd have to find another job, and to be quite
honest with you job opportunities for a clapped-out old Aussie who can do piss
all but play the didgeridoo and draw a bit are mite limited. So here's what I
want you to do kids. If you have a pet that you think might need
hospitalization in the not too distant future, write and let us know. If it
turns out that your pet does need our services, both you and your pet will
appear on TV. So how will you know if your pet is likely to need
hospitalization? Well, say you have a pony that at the moment you just walk and
trot, but you intend to start jumping it over fences. Well once you do that the
little feller might just have a nasty fall and maybe break a leg and need to be
hospitalized. Then it would appear on TV, you with it, you would be put up at a
nice hotel nearby, and we might even manage a small payment for you. Or say you
cat's nails needed clipping, and you decided to do the job with a chainsaw.
Well then there would be a pretty good chance it would be needing our services
here at Animal Hospital. And of you getting on the show, being put up for a
week at a really nice hotel with your own computer and free internet access,
plus a pretty substantial fee. Or say you had a pet snake, and you bunged up
the bottom of a drainpipe then dropped your snake down the top of the
drainpipe, then poured a couple of gallons of sulphuric acid down the
drainpipe, well then there'd be a really excellent chance of it needing the
services of one of our vets pretty quickly and of you being on TV, staying at a
five star hotel for a month, with a computer and £2000's worth of
software to take home with you, and a really juicy fee. But don't let me put
ideas into you head, kids. I'm sure you'll be able to come up with a few of
your own. See you in the spring!
