Alpenhorn    An erection caused by eating muesli. Very welcome of course, but what does one do with it at the breakfast table?

Alpaca     Small South American ruminant.

Al Pacino    Small North American actor.

Alpine Skiing    A name that encompasss the four racing events of Downhill, Slalom, Giant Slalom, and, a discipline in which British contestants excel, Falling Arse Over Tit Halfway Down.

Alzheimer's Disease    Degenerative disease which causes the loss of memory. Named after the German neurologist Alois Alzheimer (1864-1915) who first identified it. This is disputed however by the ancestors of British neurologist Arthur Holloway (1860-1916) who ten years before Alzheimer contracted the disease himself, succesfully identified it, but then proceeded to forget all about it.

American Line Dancing    A popular pastime imported from the United States, this is a sort of Country & Western formation dance. The dancers, who form up in columns and rows, have cowboy hats, cowboy boots, and an IQ of under 30, although only the IQ of under 30 is compulsory.

Amber    A bright yellowish-gold colour which is totally invisible to the drivers of cars approaching traffic lights.

Ambiance    A van-like emergency services vehicle used to transport people with cleft palates to and from hospital.