Mobile Phone
Telecommunications device used by passengers
in trains to annoy other
passengers. Some neurologists consider that
people who use mobile phones could
eventually suffer brain damage due to radiation
emissions. Apparently it hasn't
occurred to them that anyone who deliberately
gets up the noses of their fellow passengers by
using a mobile phone whilst on a train is
probably brain-damaged in the first
place.
Moby The name by which some people
call their mobile phones.
Moby Dick The name by which
people call those who call their mobile phone their Moby.
Mohammed Al Fayed Owner
of Harrods, but, to his chagrin, not as yet
the owner of a British passport.
However the British
Government are showing signs of weakening and
allowing him to have this
treasured possession, as Home Office sources have
intimated that he will be accepted
as a British subject next year - provided he agrees
to change his name to
Mohammad Al Feather Duster Stuck Up His Bottom.
Mohammad Al Jolson
Another name which the Home Office will
allow Mohammad Al Fayed to change
his name to, but only if he agrees to
black up like the man in the
photograph.
Moment of Inertia (1) In physics;
the sum of all the point masses of
a rotating object multiplied by the
squares of their respective
distances from the axis of rotation.
(2) In bed; the moment when one
wakes up and realises that it's Monday
morning.
Monica Lewinsky White House intern
and cigar-lover
who gave a new
meaning to the expression "enjoying
a roll-up".
Monorail A type of railway. The cars
are suspended from a single line, or
balanced on a single line. The British
mainline railway system contains many
examples of the latter, but unfortunately
the trains are supposed to be on two lines
at the time.
Monosodium Glutamate A type of pie,
with meat and potato added.
Montgolfier The name of
brothers Joseph Michel and
Jacques Etienne, French
aviators who constructed the first air balloon.
Their cousin, Phillipe
Condom, took the six inch long model of
the prototype balloon, cut the end
off, and invented the first male contraceptive,
naming it after himself.
However the Phillipe was not a
success, as most men objected to adorning
their willies with something which had 'Air France'
written on the side,
and it was to be a further ten years before
the Englishman C Ondom
invented something a little more acceptable.
Moon Probe Rectal surgery.
Motor Disease An illness in which you remain in perfectly good health but your car breaks down.
Motor Racing Flags These flags,
used to signal to the driver,
number seven in all. They are, Green
- start, Black - make a pit stop, Red
- stop, Chequered - finish, Yellow -
no passing, Purple - go slower so
that the television audience can see
all the adverts on your car more
clearly, and Silver, - skid and
direct the gravel at Murray Walker
to shut him up for a few minutes.
Motown Type of music so called because
it was spawned in the mo(tor)
town of Detroit, USA, in the 1960's. See
also Nomotown, the original name of Hiroshima.
Muesli Type of breakfast dish which makes one
appreciate just how good a breakfast of sausage, egg and bacon is.
Mull of Kintyre (1) The
southern extremity of the West Coast of
Scotland. (2) Song by Paul McCartney
which should only ever be played on the Mull
of Kintyre, and only then if everyone wears earplugs.
Multitasking The
ability to do more than one thing at once. Women - cook a meal, feed the baby, listen to 'Speak French' tape, plan the next family holiday. Men - read the newspaper whilst having a shit.
Musselini (1883-1945)
Famous Italian shellfish salesman.
Mystery Tour See Satellite Navigation System..
