I'm packing this
in, this job. No, it's too much like hard work. I'm going to go in for the easy
life, become a football commentator. There's definitely a gap there because in
my opinion Ron Atkinson has never been adequately replaced. They probably can't
find anybody else as stupid.
(AS RON ATKINSON) "So after less than a minute Rovers have gone a goal down. Just the
start they wouldn't have wanted".
Really? I thought they'd have wanted to
go a goal down after less than a minute myself. John Motson's no better.
"And Wanderers,
lining up from left to right, are all in blue."
Well what did we expect? That half
of them would be in blue? And the other half would be in red? Or pink and
orange halves? Wanderers are in all blue, John, all blue, not all in
blue. No, I'm probably too clever to be a football commentator, I've got an IQ
in double figures, perhaps I could commentate on another
sport.
"And
Trescothick is out in the very first over. He'll be disappointed with that".
. Well cut my legs
off and call me Shorty! That is a surprise. Only I thought he would be
overjoyed to be out in the first over.
"And the ball hits Ricky Ponting fielding
at short leg. He'll be glad he's got a helmet on".
Surely not. And
miss the chance of having a cracked skull?
"And Henman wins it in three straight
sets."
No he
doesn't win it in three straight sets, he wins it in three sets or straight
sets, one or the other, and anyway when did Henman ever win in three
sets?
"And after
dropping shots at the last two holes Westwood won't want to miss this putt for
his par". Well of
course he will, there's nothing he'd like better than to miss it. Bloke's a
masochist. Sign me on now.
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