Like the suit? I
got it from Top Man. Ironic in a way because I've always been a bottom man.
When my mum saw it she didn’t let me down.
“Why didn’t you go to a seconds
shop?”
"
Because I’m earning now, Mum. DVD sales are going through the roof, I sold
three last week. I don't have to buy seconds now, I can afford
new."
"I know that
but you could have bought two seconds for the price of that. You can't beat
seconds I always say, they're perfect."
"No they're not, that's why they're
called seconds. Because there's something wrong with them."
"Yes but you can't
see what's wrong with them. "
"You could see what was wrong with that Marks and Spencers seconds
pullover you bought me the other week, there were three arms in it.
"
"Anyway before
you wasted your money at Top Man did you think of Tescos? They've started
selling clothes now you know."
Not just clothes either. You can buy
nearly anything at Tescos nowadays. Petrol, holidays, insurance - they can
insure you against buying a crap holiday from Tescos - , garden furniture,
books. You can even have a Tesco loan - you'll need a Tesco loan by the time
you've been to Tescos holidays, insurance, petrol, garden furniture...... It
can’t be long before they have massage parlours....
"Come on in sir,
don't be shy, that’s it……I think it would be better if you left
your trolley outside."
"But somebody might pinch my hobnobs."
"Only if you request it. "
”That’s
better. Your first time here is it?
“Yes. Have I to lie on this
table?”
"Well
don't you think you'd better take your clothes off first? Then perhaps you'd
like to take advantage of our special offer made in conjunction with our
hairdressing and do-it-yourself departments? A blow wave, a blowlamp and a blow
job, all for fifty pounds." There could be Tesco funerals. 'Plant or Burn'. Your
choice. Only a hundred pounds, and clubcard points too'.
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