My mum brought me one of
them fake designer tee shirts back from her holidays in Turkey. I don't know if
any of you have ever had a Turkey tee shirt but they're all right until the
first time they go in the washer- after about a month - well you might as well
wear them that long, they're no good to you once they've been in the washer.
Stiff? Plasterboard isn't as hard as a Turkey tee shirt once it's been washed.
I don't know what the army were mucking about at in Iraq when our troops were
short of body armour, they should have kitted them out in Turkey tee shirts, a
scud missile wouldn't get through one of them, no way. I said to my mum: "Just
have a feel how stiff this tee shirt's gone now it's been in the wash."
She
said: "Put a few drops of Comfort in the washer with it, that'll get rid of the
stiffness."
I said: "A few drops of Comfort? If you put a few gallons of
bromide in with it it wouldn't get rid of the stiffness. Look at it,
Tutankhamen isn't that stiff"
"Well it's a good one, I paid two million
lira for it."
"That's only about seventy pee, two million lira."
"Well
it's a designer label."
"I know who designed it, the bloke who designed
bullet-proof vests, that's who designed it."
"No, it's French Connection.
It's here on the label see. F..C..U..K."
"It doesn't say F..C..U..K. it
says F..U..C..K, they can't even get the label right, you've had me walking
about with a tee shirt with Fuck on it, if the police had seen me I could have
been locked up "
Mothers, who'd have 'em.
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