The woman next
door is a vinegar nut.
"You can't beat it Peter. Vinegar is nature's secret
weapon."
I always
thought that was diarrhoea.
"You can use vinegar for anything. It can clean your work surfaces,
remove ink stains, soothe tired and aching feet, repair scratches in wood,
banish unpleasant odours....
"Can
it get rid of the smell of vinegar?"
"Get rid of the smell of vinegar, whiten
whites, brighten colours, remove sweat stains, soothe tired and aching feet,
relieve coughs and tickly throats, cure hiccups....
"Can it cure cancer?"
"Cure cancer, ease nausea, treat burns,
prevent infection, clear up embarrassing dandruff...."
"My dandruff is very embarrassing, it
keeps falling onto my shoulders and shouting 'Bollocks' to passers-by, would it
cure that?"
"Vinegar will cure everything. It's a panacea. It fades age spots,
guards against food poisoning, relieves headaches, keeps cholesterol at
bay..."
"Rubbish."
"Stops toothache..."
"Rubbish."
"Can help you lose
weight..."
"Rubbish."
"Can put the sparkle back into your sex
life..."
"Do they
sell it at Tescos?"
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