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HOW TO STOP DOGS CHASING CATS
Acquire a stuffed cat. These can often be bought at taxidermist's shops, second-hand and bric-a-brac shops, and can sometimes be picked up at superior car boot sales. If it isn't possible to obtain a stuffed cat through any of these outlets then purchase the most realistic-looking life-sized toy cat available.
     Using a sharp knife or scissors cut a large slit in the cat's belly and remove all the stuffing. Re-fill the cat with a mixture of one part cat shit, one part vindaloo curry and, to bind together the cat shit and the vindaloo, one part sawdust. If the cats where you live are anything like the cats where I live obtaining sufficient cat shit should present little difficulty as the cats where I live shit everywhere, especially in my garden. However if for some unaccountable reason you can't locate any cat shit (the bottom of your shoes after a stroll in the park is a good place to look) any other animal shit can be substituted provided it is smelly enough - pig shit is excellent, however although high in odour it is low in solids and you may have to increase the proportion of sawdust slightly to ensure the stuffing is workable.
     Vindaloo curry can be obtained from all good supermarkets as well as Indian-owned corner shops. The brand is unimportant as long as it is very hot - I recommend Patak's.
     Note: Care needs to be exercised in getting the proportion of cat shit to vindaloo just right as they can look very similar (and taste very similar too if you get the vindaloo from some of the Indian restaurants I've had the misfortune to dine at in the past). Take my advice and stick with a jar of Patak's.
     Fill the cat with the cat shit/vindaloo/sawdust mixture. You might find a wooden kitchen spoon useful for this but if you use one be sure to give it a thorough washing after you've finished with it otherwise you'll have your wife on your back like I had The Trouble on my back after I used ours. Sew up the slit you made in the cat’s belly. Don’t put the needle you used back in your wife’s sewing basket or you will have her on at you again as per when you didn’t clean the wooden spoon properly. Wash it in hot soapy water then sterilize it in Milton or better still throw it away, she’ll have plenty more.
     Take the cat outside and find a quiet spot not too far away from your home. Place it in a prominent position where it will easily be seen - sitting on a wall looking self-satisfied is ideal because the cat will appear to be going about its normal daily business.
     Return home. Immediately put your dog on a lead and take it out for a walk (when holding the lead DO NOT put your hand through the loop at the end so that it is around your wrist, hold it loosely between finger and thumb unless you fancy suddenly taking off like a space rocket). As you approach the cat shit/vindaloo/sawdust-filled cat your dog will see it and make for it hell for leather. As the cat is inert the dog will catch it. It will then bury its fangs into the cat. It will never chase another cat again as long as it lives. If in fact it does live.