A TIMELY WARNING
As I hadn't the wit to realise that eating vast quantities of chocolate makes you fat, the news
that bars of Cadbury's chocolate are to carry a fat warning will be a boon
to me in my constant struggle to keep my weight down to reasonable proportions. There
should be more such warnings to help we of feeble minds negotiate more safely the minefield
that is life.
Might I suggest the following -
If you drink a lot of alcohol you are quite likely to get drunk.
If you do drugs you are very likely to get stoned.
Engaging in sex on a cobblestoned street can be hard on the knees.
When walking always put one foot in front of the other. Failure to do this will result
in you staying
where you are or walking backwards.
Always take down your trousers and underpants/lift up your dress and drop your knickers, before
using the lavatory. Failure to do so might be embarrassing, smelly, and cause you to
lose friends.
If the toast gets stuck in the toaster don't try to
remove it with a screwdriver or other metal implement as this will probably result
in death.
If you hold a barbecue on the forecourt of a petrol filling station things are
sure to go with a bang.
Never put up the Christmas decorations whilst wearing in-line roller skates.
When urinating in a swimming pool make sure you do not do it from the side of the
pool as this can be interpreted as arrogance.
Never wear stiletto heels in bed; although they give you plenty of grip they play havoc
with the sheets. Not to be worn if you have a water bed, either.
Always, like Cadbury's, state the bleeding obvious, as apparently there are a lot of dense
people around.
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